dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
