My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
