I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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