Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
