We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
