Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
