i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
