I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
