He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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