I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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