Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
