I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
