I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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