I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
