Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
