At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
