was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
