That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize