Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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