I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
