Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
