i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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