Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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