I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
