He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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