I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
