Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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