Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
