Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize