Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
