He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
