toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
