If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize