So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
