He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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