4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
