This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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