I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
