I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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