my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
