Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
