Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
