If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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