So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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