May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
