Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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