I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
