The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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