she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
