Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
