Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
