So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
