2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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