Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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