I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
