Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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