My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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