I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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