Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
