I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
