allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
