So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My ATM looks so different sober.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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