There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize