Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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