Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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