Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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