Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
